September 18, 2011

What's the Point?

A couple of my friends have been asking me what the "This Is Not Me" Challenge all about and I've actually asked myself the same thing too. I don't know what to say. That's also probably the reason why I haven't written a post about what I've learned and accomplished after 30 days. I've been trying to end this post since starting last week but I'm having difficulty doing so. The challenge which started last August 15 should've ended last- September 13. Though late, which is very  much my characteristic and probably still is, I should stop procrastinating. 

So, what's the point of this challenge again? Armed with my  counter intuitive steps, I started letting go of resistance. 

1. Choose one thing to finish, just one. Not all. Rome wasn't built in 30 days.
2. Make god laugh by making a plan.
3. Be ready to let go of control and just go with the flow.

"Is this me? No, but I will try." For my husband's sake and sanity. 

Okay. So there were  no specific objectives, just general ideas. Initially I started the challenge following the most basic tip of all productivity know-hows by shaping my space and organizing my time. It's not rocket science but remember I always say "It's not my thing..." So after hocus focusing, magic happened! I began feeling less guilty doing the things that I like and started planning activities that would enrich my work and life instead. I opened myself up to uncertainty and new opportunity. In short, I'm just giving myself a  make-over. 

Before starting this challenge, I had too many questions in my mind that lead to too many imaginary quests. That's what hindered me from doing something that matters to me- I never knew where to start until I actually started. I guess all this hocus focusing and planning slamming served their purpose well. 

Did I finish a masterpiece? Uhm, no, not yet. Far from it actually. What I've realized is that no one becomes a master without being a servant. Practice means serving your craft. By discovering the work involved in it, I'm  understanding the art that becomes of it. When I let go of results or the nitty gritty, I stopped clasping on rotting ideas, self-made criticisms and being liked by others. Phooey. Sometimes it feels like I'm throwing my message in a bottle out to the world. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing all of this in a corner of a small room. Sometimes it matters, sometimes it doesn't. But most of the time it's been helpful, really helpful. I'm starting to become comfortable with myself which enables me to keep on going, like a traveller setting sail for a new discovery.  

My friend Mariel  and I shared an interesting conversation about a book that she's read that links failure to happiness. The book expresses that by  giving one's self permission to fail, you give yourself  permission to try. So,  did I succeed with my challenge? Uhm,  I think not in the way that I imagined it to be but definitely in a way that I hoped it to be. I came across a line that said- "To know thyself is to track yourself." Instead of seeing myself based on the opinion of others, I've started to create myself with my own formed opinion. 

So far, good start for the week. Hope your Monday leads you to a new discovery.

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